As the gorse blooms

Odiaba esos autobuses lanzadera que te llevan a los pies de los aviones, especialmente en días de lluvia. Pronto se percata de que una señora de unos 60 años le lee los ojos de melancolía. Él, que siempre tuvo un instinto especial para reconocer a sus compañeros de viaje, se vuelve de lado y dirige su mirada  a los aviones transatlánticos de Air France. Ahora cae, se le ha olvidado coger el periódico.

Se convence a él mismo que es un hombre de nacionalidad plural, concepto que sacó de un libro con forma de advertencia que le regaló un amigo en la ciudad de la que ahora se siente desterrado. Trata de evocar una sonrisa mientras relee las instrucciones de seguridad que ya se sabe de memoria. Juega con sus manos que buscan otras. 

Ahora sube el Arthur’s seat y le cuenta sobre la relación entre las gorses y la armada escocesa. Probablemente ella ya conoce la historia, pero escuchará atenta hasta que él decida callarse y acercarse a su mejilla. Y el viento hará lo que siempre hace el viento. Y su ventana tiene vistas al horizonte.

"Pupils in the quatriènne were allowed to join the cine club, wich held screenings every thursday evening in the boys’ assembly hall, though girls were allowed to attend. One night in december, just before Nosferatus the Vampire started, Bruno took the seat next to Caroline Yessayan. Towards the end of the film - having thought about it for more than an hour - he gently placed his hand on her tight. For a few wonderful seconds (five? seven? surely no more than ten?), nothing happened. She didn’t move. Bruno felt a warm glow flood his body, he thought he might faint. Then, without saying a word, she gently brushed his hand away. Years later, when some bitch or other was sucking him off, Bruno would remember those few seconds of terrifying joy; he would also remember the moment when Caroline Yessayan moved his hand away. What the boy had felt was something pure, something gentle, something that predated sex or a need for sensual fulfilment. It was the simple desire to reach out and touch someone, to be held lovingly in someone’s arms. Tenderness is a deeper instinct than seduction wich is why it is so difficult to give up hope."

Atomished-Michel Houllebecq

I walk down Headhampton Street towards Holborn Street. It is raining, always raining in the city of London. It is me getting lost while wandering around bookshops, have a cup of tea. There's always a path to follow, a book to open. I sip  of my tea, I gotta write, I think of you. You whisper in my ear, "You don't need a umbrella in London". I'm soaked, I laugh, I think, I gotta write. I walk down the street, I see Westminster from Trafalgar square, I smoke.This damn city, with its rain and its clouds. With that fog and that grey, with all those faded colours composing beautiful landscapes painted by Monet. I have to go back to the National Gallery. 

 I keep on walking, looking for you. I think of your smile and I keep it in my mind while the rain is falling over me. 

That happened years before I found you, if something happened. I was looking for you at dawn, in the rain and, after wandering around the whole city, then, later, I went back home and looked for you between the sheets and the mattress of my bed. This damn city. Now I sip of another cup of tea in another café in other London. The rain is never the same, and the clouds are always changing. But it seems to be the same when you whisper in my ear "You don't need a umbrella in London".

I think of you.

Heaven can wait

While reading On the road you early start planning your no way back trips, your I don't care where to go maps and your there's nothing else to say dictionaries. Because you can't avoid flirting with the idea of getting lost forever.  London's waiting for me. And I'm secretly calling the rain, the warmth and the grey. I need to be back in town, I need to be a stranger in my own home once again.

Hot coffee and hidden smiles. Hot coffee and bitter cigarettes.

Heaven can wait.

Tears

Things to remember just in case you fall apart
1. Sorry, but you have feelings
2. You've always been lost, it's just you didn't realize so